Tumors

Yesterday at 6:00pm my dad was diagnosed  with a tumor about 2cm big in his right lung. My father was a pipe caser for about 35 years and had insurance till last June when they forced him into retirement. My mother has always stayed home to be the home maker. Well after her brother passing and the not even a year later her sister dying and my father losing his job came almost in the same day. My mom dealt with it all and making a huge mistake in the process not accepting the cobra my fathers employer had offered. My fathers unemployment 1800 a month cobra 1950 a month. My dad being my father decided that going uninsured was better and advised my mother they would not take the cobra. Over the next few months my father began to lose slot of weight and also developed a caugh that would not go away. 

Mom called the Obama care exchange and found they could get coverage she got her number and mailed in her paperwork. While up here for Halloween my fathers dramatic weight loss was the least to say shocking to me. I told her she needed to talk to the exchange and find out when coverage would begin he had to go to the doctor. Under the guidance of his lung specialist dad had already paid for an office visit and had almost finished a coarse of anti biotics nothing was getting better. We called the exchange to find out moms claim had not really been processed and the number she had gotten was nothing. No coverage until 2016 and she would have to start the process all over again. So today my father is being treated for cancer in a hospital room in pearland Texas with no insurance. Dad does have retirement although he is too young to withdraw and not even 200k. If my dad can afford treatment he may live, if not he will die. How in America can this happen? If he pays and withdraws his retirement it will financially destroy him and mom if not he will not survive? We shall see how this plays out. Just makes me sick all the years he paid insurance and never used it and now that he is sick it counts for nothing. 

 

Halloween 2015

Knock Knock! Who's there? Jack The Pumpkin KING!!!! So it has been a little time since my last post, and well Halloween has come and gone.. Slight "frown face" that goes along with that statement But I will say Jimmy had a blast!

It started at 11AM when I first got his makeup done. He couldn't wait to be JACK. We got dressed and headed over to Great Grandma's.. To their delight he was very scary (HAHAHA) Photos are here:

Around 7 we started to trick or treat, and man did my scary Jack Trick or Treat! He was so good at it.

After every house "Momma we got 1 more!" he would try so hard to tell them that "he was the pumpkin king" and that he is scary.  (HAHAHA) 

Ernie and Jordan her significant other came by and offered up lemon drops. After a dinner of Candy and Hot dogs and Chili Jimmy passed out on Nahna like he does and the Adults partook in some Steven Kings IT. Over all goodbye Halloween you were here and gone way too soon!

POSTMATES.COM

Forget everything you have ever known about having delivery. This is not your local pizza-hut.Get anything from ladies tampons to condoms-to Coffee and Sushi.


OKAY, SO THIS MORNING I WAS RUNNING LATE.. REALLY LATE. YOU KNOW, LIKE "I DO". I AM CONSISTENTLY LATE EVERYWHERE... ANYWAY I DIGRESS.. POSTMATES.COM IS ONLINE ON YOUR PHONE OR TABLET. IT IS AN APP THAT YOU CAN SEARCH OUT JUST ABOUT ANYTHING. NOW BUYER BEWARE THAT ANYTHING DOES COMES WITH A PRICE, BUT IT IS NOT COMPLETELY OUT OF REACH FOR THE EVERYDAY MOM, STUDENT, RECEPTIONIST, PA, OR EVEN, I DARE TO SAY "HUSBAND/WIFE" WANTING TO SEND SOMETHING NICE, BUT UNABLE TO LEAVE WHERE HE OR SHE MAYBE (HINT).

GO CHECK IT OUT.

**WARNING ALL CAPS SORRY COULDN'T TAKE IT OFF**      

                  postmates.com
10 BUCKS OFF 1st order CODE:  qsi6x  


HERE IS A COPY OF MY RECEIPT. YES, I GOT BREAKFAST AND LUNCH AND COFFEE. IT BEING MY FIRST TIME I TIPPED HER A LOT. SHE WASNT MAKING ANYTHING OFF MY DELIVERY FEE I HAD MY CODE AND IT WAS HERE IN LESS THAN 20 MIN.. SO.. DON'T JUDGE ME :P

ORDER SUMMARY

1

Cheese Danish

1

Ham & Cheese Savory Square

1

Caffé Americano

• Options: No, Venti
• Special Instructions: LOTS OF CREAM!!

$11.33

Subtotal

$1.02

Service Fee(9.00%)

$13.50

Delivery

-$13.38

Discounts

$7.53

Tip

$20.00

Total

Hockey days are here again!

        It is starting again.. Sunday nights you can find my husband playing roller hockey at the local skate rink! Jimmy is always very excited about this and we made it to first game. Fall is coming although you would not be able to tell by the weather here in OKC. When will fall get here???

Jimmy on his very own roller skates. For the people who use to come to these games you may remember me flinging him all over the floor in his roller car walker! He has grown up so much.

I think he will play Hockey like his dad! We shall see what he gets into a little later on down the road!

ChooChoo time

We Stopped by Delta Dental on the way home this afternoon! The Kiddo Loves the Choochoos!

Lunar Eclipse

The September 28, 2015 Total Lunar Eclipse is the fourth and final eclipse in a series of four total lunar eclipses called the lunar tetrad. The first three eclipses of the tetrad took place on April 15, 2014, October 8, 2014 and on April 4, 2015.

We were very excited to get to sit and watch this with our hot coco and deck chairs. It was a nice 73 degrees and clear sky!

A Day Out with Thomas

We were able to go and see Thomas!! 

Taking the train was definitely something new! As you can tell by this photo he had a blast! 

Sitting in the train I highly recommend this Outing for anyone who like Thomas. I would not recommend upgrading tickets though at least not here in OKC.

Halloween Costume CHECK!

Thank you Party City for this really well made 3/4T Jack Skellington Costume! Jimmy was very excited to get it from his Nahna! It looks so good and fits perfectly. One more thing I can check off my list.

My son goes through phases much like most children do.. I just feel as though that he goes through them in warp speed, and then burns out. We then move on to something new, and then revisit it maybe 1 or 2 months later. Nightmare before Christmas is one that is a constant. He loves his Jack, and I can't wait to update with Halloween photos.

Going to the Zoo

Going to the Zoo was a really awesome day! We met up with a friend of mine and her long time guy! Jimmy was Super excited to see all the animals and ride the Choo Choo Express.

Although Jimmy is a very well behaved 3 yr old.. He still pushes the boundaries of what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Watching my son go from
Infant to Baby to Toddler to Little Boy, I find myself missing my infant. Missing my Toddler. Does that ever end??

I feel as though this is going by way too quick. I remember longing for the day I could hear his voice. I wanted to know what he was thinking, and what were his preferences would be. I love talking to my son. I ask him all sorts of Questions about the things that he is most familiar. I remember someone once telling me that "Once he starts to talk, all you will want is for him to shut up". Of coarse, this was said in passing, but I think for her that is true.

If we do not talk to our children, read to them, and keep that dialog... What happens when they are older and teenagers. If that line of communication is not already created by the preteen and teen years. I don't see how you can create it.

Keeping in good fashion.... **Update** about potty training. We were in our Big boy underwear all day today with out 1 accident!! Go Jimmy Thomas is Next Weekend you can do it!

Airplane Bed!

Airplane bed... For my sons Birthday last year my Mother & Father in-law bought my son this bed:

Overstock.com

And well it is really really cool! But my son has completely tore this thing up. It is missing the left wing now and i am wondering should we buy him another bed, or just leave this one for him to grow out of... We were looking at Train beds.

For some reason Jimmy has taken to jumping on everything. His bed, my bed, the couch, the floor. My son the "Jumper" this was a cute concept, but probably not practical for a 3 year old.

Into the mountains we go!

 Into the mountains today! Woke up and thought hey why not take a 2 hour trip to the Wichita Mountains? Jimmy loves a great car ride! it was a nice breath of fresh air Literally! 

Looking out over the cliff, you are somewhat humbled. Things that seem so huge may seem at that time, just a bit smaller. I need to remember this feeling! When the stress of bills, money, life get to me I need to remember this feeling.

This was a fun day!! Buffalo and the prairie dogs, Long horns, and Deer were so nice to see out and about. Then we headed to Meers for a steak and burger! What a great adventure! 

When the day is done.

When the day is done, and the sun is gone.

Brush your teeth until they are clean!

A quick story and not to worry 

No monsters, no bugs, only lots of muscle hugs.

When drinks of water are all done.

 I feel like I won.

I head off to bed.

Feeling like I am the hero

by the time I hit the pillow. 

My brain goes to Zero.

I hear the door creek

and I see those tiny little feet.

He pulls and he tugs, and 

just wants one last hug.

He climbs and he sighs

as he lays by my side

and my eyes open wide. 

Potty time!

Okay Mommies out there.  I am raising a little boy who is very willful, and refuses to use the potty. I have tried many things. Sink the cheerio's, Favorite toy uses the potty, bribery with stickers, videos, books, and nothing is working.

My son the brilliant boy that he is, will go and take off his underpants and put on a Diaper. Logically solution QUIT BUYING DIAPERS right? lol well unless I want pee everywhere they are kind of a necessary evil.. going to pick him up this after work today and I will as of today 8/21/2015 STOP buying Diapers for him..

Looking at the rubber undies. This is not just an adjustment for him it is for myself and my husband as well. Before we didn't have to be so caught up on do you have to potty it just happened. change diaper case closed..

I will keep updated on how this goes.... To be continued  

Polo-ticks time.

Yesterday as I looked at my Facebook app it asked me what is on your mind? Well this is what was on my mind.

         "What would you do if someone gave you an extra $20000 maybe you would take a vacation or buy a new car, new clothes, or new appliances. Even if you used the money to pay off old bills, you then would have more to spend in the economy because you wouldn't have the interest payments. And when you buy more, you create demand, which means more people can be put to work-and the economy grows. Now think about what Example: Bill gates or the Waltons. What would they do with it or an extra 20 Million or more, as ol George W. did with his first tax cuts. Would they even notice? They would probably just send it along to Their accountant and forget all about it (which is exactly what they did with it by the way). The only thing that's going to grow is their bank accounts (which is what's happening). That's the difference between giving money to the rich and giving it to the people. When people in the lower and middle economic layers of society have increased income, all of society eventually gets richer because working people spending most of the incomes is the engine that creates economic demand for goods and services.  This is what has happened under 30 years of Reaganomics!  Repeal  Reaganomics  and  Citizens United! Corporations are not people. It made available for corporations and unions to spend unlimited amounts of money to advocate for or against political candidates. Sorry peeps that is what was on my mind!"-Thank You, Thom Hartman                 

Over the last 30+ years of Reaganomics! We have Monopolies, we have a handful of families in this country who hold most of America's wealth. We have corporations taking over our commons.... Parks, Prisons, Education.. and the list goes on. We have people cutting the bottoms off the ladders they themselves climbed to keep anyone else from coming up behind them. Repeal  Reaganomics  and  Citizens United! Corporations are NOT people! 
Elizabeth Warren talking about this issue: 

Anyone making less than 50K a year can understand this. Now I like to look at myself as very open minded person , but  the opposition of the progressive movement has not given me any type of proof or even an argument that this has not happened to the country, or a real plan to fix it. Wedge issues are not good enough. Income inequality is real, alot more real than Hillary Clinton email scandal.                    

Black Lives Matter...  Yes, all lives matter.. But that is not the point. Sandra Bland, Trayvon Martin, and countless others were not white, hispanic or asian. As a Police officers wife, I am biased, and I know this. I am not saying all police, or all departments are bad, and/or do this. In Fact, My husband is probably one of the most brave, professional, and unbiased police officers that may have ever existed.  I know a lot of great men and women who serve and who have died for the American people! They protect us and keep us safe. I will never know what it is like to walk in another ethnicity's shoes. Whether or not you feel this is or isn't an issue, seems to relate to how much empathy you may have for others. A large group in the United States says this is a real problem! I feel it is something that should be addressed, and talked about. I feel the Black lives matter holds more validity than most of the wedge issues you hear from any of the Republican candidates for presidents.       

Now for the Minimum Wage argument over raising the minimum wage. I feel that the creator of  the first minimum wage summed it up best:“No business which depends for existence on paying less than living wages to its workers has any right to continue in this country.” (1933, Statement on National Industrial Recovery Act)“By living wages, I mean more than a bare subsistence level — I mean the wages of a decent living.” (1933, Statement on National Industrial Recovery Act)"Do not let any calamity-howling executive with an income of $1,000 a day, who has been turning his employees over to the Government relief rolls in order to preserve his company’s undistributed reserves, tell you – using his stockholders’ money to pay the postage for his personal opinions — tell you that a wage of $11.00 a week is going to have a disastrous effect on all American industry.” (1938, Fireside Chat, the night before signing the Fair Labor Standards Act that instituted the federal minimum wage)"All but the hopelessly reactionary will agree that to conserve our primary resources of manpower, government must have some control over maximum hours, minimum wages, the evil of child labor and the exploitation of unorganized labor.” (1937, Message to Congress upon introduction of the Fair Labor Standards Act)

I find it very sad that 77 years later this is still a real issue, and after 30 years of reaganomics we have reverted right back to the 30's. Which was one of the most unregulated and unequal times in America. 
I understand there will be people who do not agree with me on these issues. And that is okay! This world would be very dim and colorless, if everyone agreed on everything. But this is my blog and these are my thoughts and feelings. As Thom Hartman would say, "Politics is not a spectator sport, get active get involved. TAG YOU ARE IT!" Without everyone doing their part our Democracy,  it does not work the way it should. I am not endorsing any candidate as of yet Bernie Sanders lol, but I don't care who you vote for, as long as you VOTE!  Dig, and actually research what they do vote on. What policies do they support and write? Hold the elected officials to what they do!!! Not to what they just say! You can dispute and change words. The actions they do are not so easily changed. 

Time to Go!

                 So yesterday, taking my Son out for dinner. Everything was going perfect. We went through the store, and did the shopping we were there to do... and then "Hello, Its Mr. Nasty." While sitting in a Moore, restaurant my Son decided that he was not going to eat anymore, and he was done. Throwing food, a plate and even slapping me when confronting his poor behavior. After turning him to face the wall for 3 min while I paid the check, I know the people beside me were appalled I didn't lay slap down on him right there at the table. But, to be fair what goes on in my head is it totally that. But my actual reaction, the adult mother trying to teach her son not to hit, hitting him seems somewhat counter productive...That being said, not riding the train and taking Nightmare before Christmas away for the night, and a earlier than usual bed time seemed to do the trick!

                 In a world where you see so many spoiled, little brat children you never believe that they would be your's on any given day. So I say it is Time to go home! My son is not undisciplined. He did not do the normal terrible 2's I guess I got it at 3's. Testing limits and boundaries, I have to keep keeping on, I know consistency is key!   

Fall is in the air

Starting the cooler weather here in the hot Oklahoma summer. Thoughts of Pumpkins, and wreaths flow through my brain as I am driving on my lunch hour. What I want nothing more, than to go home and get last nights mess cleaned up. Cuddle up with a good show on Netflix and a Pumpkin Spice Latte. (soft blanket optional) Alass this not permanent weather this is just a facade of a fall afternoon. But hey, I'll pick up my son today, and head to get Juice. I'll take my reusable bag from where-ever, my little part of not adding to the collection of plastic in our landfills. Then head home maybe make acorn squash for dinner along with some sauteed spinach. 

1 Acorn Squash- Will feed you and a 3 year old

1 Acorn Squash 
Salt and pepper to taste
4 Tablespoons of butter
 (Optional) 4 tablespoons Agave nectar/Syrup   

Using a sharp, chef's knife, carefully cut the acorn squash in half, from stem to tip. The squash can rock back and forth, so be careful as you are cutting it.

Use a spoon to scrape out the seeds and stringy bits inside each squash half, until the inside is smooth.

Take a knife and score the insides of the acorn squash halves in a cross-hatch pattern, about a half-inch deep cuts.

Place the squash halves cut side up in a roasting pan. Pour 1/4-inch of water over the bottom of the pan so that the squash doesn't burn or get dried out in the oven.
Bake for about an hour to an hour 15 minutes, until the tops of the squash halves are nicely browned, and the squash flesh is very soft and cooked through. It's hard to overcook squash, it just gets better with more caramelization. But don't undercook it. bake at 425.

I got the photo from http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/classic_baked_acorn_squash/ and this is not their recipe, but doesn't this look FABULOUS? 


Sauteed spinach:

In a frying pan or large skillet take 

2 tablespoons of butter or olive oil 
1/2 teaspoon Garlic Powder
if you have left over bacon (optional)
1/2 teaspoon Minced onions or onion powder
Salt/ pepper to taste.

Add 3 Good handfuls of leafy fresh spinach it will cook down to nothing add more if you need more, but I am cooking for just me, and the little guy tonight. 

Being an only child, and aging parents.

              So a while back I learned that after years and years of smoking my father has COPD. For the first time I really contemplated my parents mortality, and what that would mean for me.Then last year the worst of the worst happened. My Dad had a heartattack. Something that no matter how you look at it, you never see it coming. Dad was always fried. In fact, it was somewhat of a running joke with my Dad. Dip it in batter and salt it, and that is Dad. My Father is a very petite person standing at maybe 5'6 and less than 120LBS. He did a very labor intense job.

                         Dad was lucky, it was as the Dr. described to my Mother and I, "Not one of the bad ones". After a year now, my Father has been on all sorts of medications. He has also since then, been pushed into early retirement. The company he had sacrificed 30+ years of his life to, many family moments, and holidays for; left him with less of  the "golden parachute" my Father deserved.  Not enough to make till 65. My Father is left having to come up with something to do, to not have to run through his life savings and actual retirement.

                         I have never seen my Father scared. He has always been of the opinion, "They can't eat you", but for the first time, I saw my Father very scared. He tried to hide it. But the more you know someone, the more you can tell what they are trying to hide, by how they are trying to hide it. Now with that being said, with all the uncertainty there is one thing I am certain about. My Father could no longer work in the line of work he was in. The options for my Father are very limited. Although my Father was a great provider for my mother and I. Making sure I always had food in my belly, and a roof over my head. I always had the best, Dads days of providing for his family with manual labor are over. Anyone really to be honest. Those jobs are few and far between.

                       So a catch up to today. I just got back Sunday, after a very quick trip 400+ miles from Oklahoma City to Houston to see my Mother and Father. They were very surprised to see us, and  my Son and I had a wonderful time. Arriving at 11:30 Friday night, Saturday morning was spent driving into downtown Houston, to see a new trailer my Father is  having built. Looks like Dad is not done yet. He is going to be an Entrepreneur!  So cross your fingers and say a prayer. I will reveal the name of his new business when we have a name set.

                     

The Struggle of Being a Mother, Wife and Daughter and a full time job on the side.

       Today the alarm goes off at 6:00 AM, and I am already late. I manage to snooze my many alarms till 6:45, and then I noticed my son has come into bed, and cuddled up with me. As I am fumbling over my phone, I look down at my sleeping toddler, and a just as exhausted husband, and I smile. I get my morning coffee. Ugg the water is low. I fill up the Keurig, and press continue. I trip over toys, clothes, and boxes as I make my way to my bathroom. I start up my morning show on my app, and then climb into the shower. And Everyone knows (John F. ) that you enter from the back. Somehow I have managed to wash/dry/blow dry/style/makeup/dressed in 20 min or less. 

      I leave the house at 7:05AM, and go to be in the mass that is Oklahoma City traffic. There are many types of Oklahoma drivers. The insanely slow, The I gotta have 50 car links between me and the person that is 6 miles away, the race car driver, (which is me :) the makeup lady who does everything on the way, and all the while texting and drinking a cup of coffee. My nav says arrival at 7:30, but in reality I will not arrive till 7:48. 

       This is my everyday, Usually. This morning I started thinking back on the girl I use to be. What I wanted out of life.  I have breached that line of a new chapter of my life. I like to call it "Who in the hell am I"?  I started out the only child of an absent loving father, and a stay at home mother who was very strong and independent. She had to be. I like to think she has made me the woman I am today.. But needless to say I went on to be a very unhappy preteen, to a mostly happy teenager. Then I call it my pre-adult, I thought I knew where I was going, and then life happened and reality set in. Not enough money, bad relationships and fear: "Insert of whatever". For the most part, I am what I wanted to be. I am in my early 30's now, and I have a wonderful husband of 6 years. I have a very handsome and intelligent 3 yr old son. We are in year 7 of our mortgage. We have everything we need, and very little debt. I still have this feeling though that something is missing. I have maintained,  that I am still the same person that I have always been, but after giving it some serious thought, I am not. Maybe it is becoming a wife, and a mother, or maybe it is just getting older.. Sometimes I wish I still had the ambition I had when i was in my early 20's or maybe I still do.. 

        In no way am I disappointed in the direction my life is going. I am just concerned I sometimes may be less than what I want, if that even makes sense... I feel my house is never as clean as I want it to be, and with a 3 year old I am in no dissolution's of immaculate home  at least not without serious help lol. 

       I worry maybe going back to work to bridge the income gap of our household is at a detriment to my son. I worry that he is not getting the time and attention that he deserves. I worry that I am not giving myself enough down time, and pushing myself to the outer brinks of  exhaustion. 

I worry I am not spending enough time with my mom and dad. As in other posts being the only child, once the mortality of my mother and father finally sink into my brain... I worry I don't have  enough time with them. I am on a constant roller-coaster of emotion of everything is on an even kill and then the peeks and valleys occur. I worry constantly about everything mentioned above.

As I watch the generation before me age, I contemplate silently have I documented everything? If god forbid anything should happen has my Son spent enough time with the 2 people who made me what I am. Have I told them I love them enough. Do I call enough? Do I call too much. Do I get too involved in things I shouldn't?  As I get older I see how young my parents were starting out, and how well they overcame many things that would have broke others. Myself included. I, like my Son... fight change. I fight against some change so hard that sometimes going along would be easier. Then other change I am very in favor for. I suppose I get that ambivalence from my mother.. Dad has always seemed to be impartial to it.

It maybe morbid, but I know as sure as I know I am sitting here, the death of my parents, my mother or my father will not be something I will be able to cope with the way I have seen others cope? This is not something that I ever use to think about, but it is lurking there in the back of my brain more and more as time goes by. After seeing what my mother went through when her parents past away, I somewhat think it jaded me. To this day I find myself talking and thinking about them wishing my Son could have met them. Here in the last few years my family has lost several people, and I see my aging aunts and uncles, and I think what a detriment to my son. I think about how much I am so going to miss them.. Being completely aware of this when I am around them, I tend to try and compensate and sponge everything I can.  The death of my Grandparents on my mother's side was so traumatic that to this day 20+ years later, I find it hard to really think of them without missing them terribly.

Maybe it is losing my Grandmother on my father's side at such a young age. Around the same age as my son is now.. I have always felt left out, and lacking over not being able to remember her.. I feel.... I know, I remember loving her.. But actual memories of anything but her funeral escapes me. Grasping for any shred of her left in this world. I sometimes think I remember little things, but I am not sure. I do not want that for my Son! I can see the longing in my Aunts and Uncles faces as they talk about the woman who alone raised 6 kids. I greatly admire her, and like to think I get my strength from her too. 

I know death is never easy for anyone, and tragedy happens. I want to protect my Son from so much of that, and I then feel helpless because death is apart of life. I just hope I can build his character enough, and keep memories for him so that he knows exactly how much he is loved. And how much I love them.

I made a post not so long ago that the gatekeepers to the stories of our family are leaving us. And as the new "keepers" of the stories of our family, and where we come from... I worry that the stories will be lost and our children will never know about the wonderful people that helped to create us and who we are.  I say to my cousins: We are now the keepers of our family. We are now telling the story of this crazy family to our children! We are our own links to our roots! Let's not lose it.

So when you look at a working mother don't, for an instance think that 100,000 things are not going through her brain at any given moment..

6 years Today!

January 2007

                                   A chance game of Yahoo pool, and I met the man I would later marry and have a beautiful son with. When I met James that was it. He made me laugh in a way no other person has ever made me laugh. I met my husband for the first time in person, at a Jack N the Box in College Station, Texas in Mid January of 2003.  I had been chatting and corresponding with him for about 6 months before that. He was in the Army and stationed in Korea.  We ended the relationship when he was deployed to Iraq in the Spring of 2003. It wouldn't be until January of  2007 before I would see him again.

                 We Married August 1, 2009. In 6 years  I can honestly say I love my husband just as much as I did in the Photo Above and below! 

August 1, 2009

July 4, 2015

Our wedding wasn't the Biggest, but it wasn't small either. I remember putting on my dress, and all the fuss and commotion that happens in the bridal suit.. I remember taking my dads arm, and walking down the isle. I remember looking at the man I was marring, and the only thought that went through my head was: "I love this man". "How did I get so lucky?"

                   Our Son was Born in Feb 2012. I think our son was the first new born my husband had ever held. I remember being in the hospital with our son, and seeing my husband and newborn sleeping in the chair next to me. I have never been so amazed, and proud.

                     Marriage is not easy. It is not Easy for anyone.. I don't think, and if they say it is.. They are either too young, and have been married less than a year or they are stupid. HAHAHA either way. The melting of two lives into one is never exactly even. At times, I feel like the melt was 60% him and 40% me. So I feel sometimes, I have lost myself! I try very hard to find the me that was adventitious. High Anxiety, and some bouts of depression.. I make this look good lol. Most people would never guess of me.. That I suffer from depression. Most of the time I am very high energy, and upbeat, but when It hits... It hits me hard, and like a Iron wall. It is my husband that keeps me centered.. Without him... well I'm not even going to go at the thought of life without Jim. 

                       Just like every woman, weight gain and creeping age makes me insecure just a bit. Chasing after a now 3 yr old, most certainly keeps me on my toes. But to my Husband James, I love you, and a very Happy Anniversary Baby here's to 8 years together and 6 years of marriage! And to 50 More!